It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
