Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
