Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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