she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
