he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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