just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize