Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
