New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this boner is exhausting
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
