Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
