I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
