she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
