all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
