So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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