Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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