Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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