Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
