Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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