So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize