saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
