Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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