she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
