doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
