I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize