I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
