shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
