when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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