I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
