I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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