We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish I could teleport
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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