Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
