You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
