I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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