I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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