Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
