So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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