last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
