That's when you crack a 10am beer
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
