bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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