I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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