the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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