Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
