see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
