I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
