Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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