Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
