we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
