I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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