Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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