Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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