im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
