Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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