I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
