ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
