No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She's the barista slut.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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