it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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