So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
