Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think my tv is drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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