I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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