I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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