Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
