something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Couch. On fire.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
