I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
