Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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