question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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